


Juno and Vespa Hold Up a Convenience Store

by Grimmseye



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Buddy and Jet make minor appearances, Buddy and Nureyev being gay in the background, Gen, Juno and Vespa in a suit, Multi, Other, Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel Friendship, Vespa and Juno are having a lot of fun, this is intended to be sweet and silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29539485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimmseye/pseuds/Grimmseye
Summary: File it away.Provided the rest of the mission went smoothly — though he was beginning to doubtthat— he would be able to take Juno away and cherish him as he deserved. Maybe even find a room off the Carte Blanche if things wentverywell.And that was when Vespa pushed herself halfway over the balcony railing and shouted down at Juno, “You cheating slut!”-----Based on a conversation from the tpp server
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay & Juno Steel
Comments: 16
Kudos: 115





	Juno and Vespa Hold Up a Convenience Store

“And you are  _ certain  _ these two are the best for the job?”

Nureyev knew that his griping had stopped being cute quite a while ago. The tone of Buddy’s voice said it had stopped even earlier than he’d estimated, clipped and dangerously sweet as she said,  _ “My, Ransom, you will have to forgive me, I’m suffering a terrible moment of deja vu.”  _

He knew better than to rise to her bait, and so Buddy swept on without pause. _“You see, I would swear that I’ve heard that exact line five or six times today! It’s rather worrisome, why it would be a weight off my mind if you_ were _in fact_ _simply repeating yourself over and over—”_

“Apologies!” He cut in, grimacing. “Apologies, Captain. I trust your judgement. I am merely… confused.” 

_ “You, me, and the rest of the galaxy, darling. You will never learn to live with it, but ideally you will start to pretend. Now — Juno? Vespa?”  _

_ “We’re in position.”  _

Juno’s voice was flat. Nureyev gazed across the ballroom, jealousy curdling in his stomach. Or perhaps  _ envy  _ was the better word. He knew that Juno had no real attraction to Vespa, but there was very little he  _ wouldn’t  _ give to trade places with her right now. 

Juno was a  _ vision. _ The captain had picked out a suit for him today, a rare sight. Flowers embroidered the back of his jacket, which hugged his waist but did little to cover the curve of his slacks. Where Vespa stood, Nureyev  _ should  _ be.  _ He  _ should have Juno’s arm linked in his own, should be there to hold him, to kiss him, to let his hands wander and fully cherish this occasion. He’d only once seen Juno in a suit before, and for the moment to arise again when Nureyev had to stare longingly across the room — well, the captain was just being cruel, wasn’t she.

At least she had gotten a taste of her own medicine, shown in the widening of Buddy’s eyes when Vespa strode out in heeled boots and an outfit that mirrored Juno’s. Placed side by side, they were clearly a pair, his sunset contrasted with her sea. The red and gold that hugged Juno’s shoulders was reflected on Vespa in navy and green, each of them wearing a piece of each other's color in the jewelry they’d adorned, sapphire and ruby.

Their mark for the night wasn’t interested in men, was one issue. However, the  _ real  _ problem, according to Buddy, was that Nureyev would have trouble playing the required role — an insinuation that  _ still  _ stung. 

_ “Frankly, darling,” Buddy had smirked, “I believe if you had to bully our dear detective, you two would end up well distracted from the task at hand.”  _

It was nothing short of an insult. Did she  _ really  _ think that he could be so unprofessional?

_ “Ransom? I asked if you had eyes on Hippolyte.”  _

Nureyev startled, dragging his eyes from the back of Juno’s slacks to scan the room. “I…”  _ There.  _ Dressed bright as a peacock, that was their mark. “In front of the window. Blue dress that looks like you could get lost in it, emerald necklace… if one of you can get that off of her I’m sure the Captain would be pleased.” 

He saw Vespa’s head tilt just slightly before her voice came over the comms.  _ “Got her. Now we just make sure  _ she  _ sees  _ us.” 

Vespa gave a look to Juno, her reluctance to touch him visible in her posture. She didn’t even  _ appreciate — _ Nureyev shook his head. He took a slow and steadying breath and got to work. 

Hippolyte Plisetskaya was a woman of interesting tastes. She had a habit of being the final nail in the coffin of a failing relationship, scandals in headlines across Eros placing her between celebrity couples time and time again. 

And so Juno and Vespa respectively became Pavo and Cassiopeia — soon-to-be wives with a strain on their relationship. Rita’s work listed them as stars of Kanagawa Productions, Pavo making his debut in Cecil Kanagawa’s infamous episode of  _ True Crime: As In This Is Real Crime We Filmed Live In Action.  _

At present time the two were reluctantly linking arms, any attempts to dance met with snaps and growls. Martian and Rangian styled dances were  _ quite  _ different, and neither matched the Eran standard used here. Within minutes they were drawing gazes from the crowd, smiles hidden behind hands as they eavesdropped on muttered insults that cut short as Juno stormed off to get a drink. 

Nureyev kept an eye on their mark as he mingled. Hippolyte drifted through the party, offering insincere smiles and backhanded compliments. She ended up standing upon the stairs and looking over her function more often than not, as she was now, poised and elegant with her face obscured by a fan as ornate as her dress.  _ That  _ should be slipped into a bag as well on the way out. Robbing Miss Plisetskaya would be a  _ delight. _

A shatter broke his thought. 

“God  _ damn it!”  _ Vespa’s voice carried over the crowd, conversations dying out as heads swiveled their way. Juno stood still, a glass broken at his feet and spilling white wine across the tiles. He gave her a haughty look as she grabbed him by the arm, dragging him away from the scene as she growled loud enough for everyone to hear: “You can’t go  _ anywhere  _ without making a goddamn  _ mess  _ can you? Why would you even bring that out here?” 

“Because I was  _ thirsty?”  _ Nureyev could  _ hear  _ the raised eyebrows. “That seems like a pretty simple answer,  _ babe.”  _

_ “You know what I mean —”  _

“I really,  _ really  _ don’t —” 

Anxiety prickled up Nureyev’s chest. This was precisely the problem. Put the two of them in the same space for too long, and inevitably one of them starts shouting. Shove them into a crowd and make them hold onto each other all night? One of them was going to come back  _ broken.  _

When Vespa reeled back and  _ smacked  _ Juno, Nureyev gasped along with the rest of the room. Juno gaped at her, touching his cheek as Vespa turned on her heel and marched away, making a vulgar gesture over her shoulder.

Before he could think to risk consulting the Captain  _ again,  _ or perhaps catching Vespa and  _ demanding  _ an explanation, or sweeping to Juno’s side to kiss his stinging cheek — a shift of blue caught his eye. Nureyev caught his voice, sounding strained with barely-contained fury as he bit out, “Juno. Hippolyte is headed your way.” 

Even from so far away, Nureyev could see the determination in his eyes. He wanted to be  _ beside  _ him, to see the steel he was named for shining behind dark irises. Hippolyte took Nureyev’s rightful place, a sardonic smile on her face. Juno had left his comms on, letting him hear that saccharine voice purr,  _ “Trouble in paradise?”  _

_ “Trouble in paradise implies there ever was a paradise in the first place. If this is what that looks like then I’ve gotta say, all those charity donations weren’t worth it.”  _

Juno’s caricature of wealth was always startlingly effective. As much as it made Nureyev wince, Hippolyte only tittered behind a hand before offering it to Juno.  _ “Care for a dance?” _

He smirked, grabbed her hand, and whisked her onto the dance floor. 

Nureyev had to stow his anger aside. Snapping at Vespa wasn’t an option, complaining to the Captain would do no good. Juno was handling himself just fine, despite Vespa’s  _ outrageous  _ behavior. When Hippolyte set her fingers on his reddened cheek, he winced — and did  _ anyone  _ who was going to handle Juno tonight  _ understand  _ the privilege they’d been granted?

_ File it away.  _ Provided the  _ rest  _ of the mission went smoothly — though he was beginning to doubt  _ that  _ — he would be able to take Juno away and cherish him as he deserved. Maybe even find a room off the Carte Blanche if things went  _ very  _ well. 

And  _ that _ was when Vespa pushed herself halfway over the balcony railing and shouted down at Juno, “You cheating slut!” 

Nureyev lacked the capacity for  _ horror  _ as Vespa sprang off the balcony, grabbed hold of the chandelier, and swung off of a fifty-thousand-cred collection of crystals and lights to slam Juno into the floor. She stumbled as she landed, seizing a man’s tuxedo to pull herself steady as she stood over Juno and brandished her knife. 

_ That  _ was when Nureyev realized this might be part of the act. 

As the crowd screamed and backed away from her, Juno tackled her around the middle. They turned to a pair of fighting cats, all screaming and plasma-laid claws, rolling over the tile with limbs flailing. 

_ “That’s it!”  _ Juno roared, “The wedding’s  _ off!”  _ He took a swing, and  _ now  _ Nureyev could see how intentionally sloppy it was, careening over Vespa’s head for her to brandish her knife more like a blunt object than the deadly weapon it was in her hands. 

“Oh, boo-hoo, like you don’t have someone else to screw over. _ ”  _ Vespa spat. “Schmoozing it up with that bitch!” 

Juno scoffed. “You — don’t act like you care! Like you haven’t been holding me and  _ everything I own  _ for  _ RANSOM.”  _

_ Oops.  _ Nureyev felt embarrassment crawl up his face as he turned and made his way out of the room, letting their distraction work its magic. That feeling had become more and more familiar since he’d joined the ship. 

  
  
  


Vespa Ilkay hadn’t had  _ this  _ much fun in a  _ long  _ time. 

Brawling with Juno Steel in the middle of a rich-bitch’s function, throwing wine over her peacock-blue dress and  _ accidentally  _ shoving her to the floor while dodging one of Steel’s phoney punches — this sort of thing was  _ almost  _ enough to make her dread retirement.

_ Almost.  _

They’d ended up on the floor again, screaming insults that got more and more grandiose which each turn. If there was anything she and Juno could do, it was act out sheer loathing for one another. All Vespa had to do was remember the last time he and  _ Ransom  _ hogged the bathroom for an  _ hour  _ and she would happily shout to the world the  _ exact  _ state they’d stumbled out in. 

“Wow! Okay!” Juno grimaced. “You  _ really  _ didn’t need to say that one, uh,  _ honey.”  _

She didn’t even have to fake her gag at that one. 

Through her comms, she  _ finally  _ heard Ransom’s voice:  _ “I’ve retrieved what we needed and will be escaping to the rendezvous point. If you two have anything you’d like to grab before you go —”  _

Out of the corner of her eye, Vespa saw a team of guards charging at them with blasters drawn. Juno did, too, and he said, “Do it now, got it, let’s go honey!” 

“You call me that  _ one more time —”  _

“I’d  _ really  _ rather not —” 

Vespa snagged Hippolyte’s jeweled fan on the way out, and then the two of them booked it for the exit. Jet would grab Ransom, and then her and Steel. Two idiots were trying to block the door, but two shots from Steel’s blaster had them hitting the ground, stunned, and they leaped over the bodies and out into the cool night of Eros. 

They got to Sikuliaq’s cycle, Steel leaping on first and tossing her a helmet. She grabbed hold as he gunned it, peeling out of the manor and through the gates the hacker had already opened for them.

Laughter was bubbling out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Against her chest, she could feel Steel doing the same, the two of them cackling and gasping under their helmets. When she got back, she’d let Buddy know her new conditions — she could go as Steel’s  _ date  _ for these things, sure. But she better be allowed to throw a punch before the night was out. 

“Did you seriously call me a slut?” Juno asked, voice tinny in her helmet. 

“Call it how I see it, Steel, now drive.” 

A ping sounded, letting them know someone had dropped into their feed:  _ “Hello,”  _ came Sikuliaq’s voice.  _ “This is your coworker, Jet.” _

“Hey big guy!” Juno called. “We’re almost to the pick-up point —” 

_ “Please, Juno, do not interrupt me.”  _ He paused, and when neither of them spoke, said,  _ “I am afraid I cannot pick you up currently. The law enforcement on Eros have a startlingly high response time, and are in pursuit of the Ruby as I speak.”  _

Vespa cussed. “Did you at least get Ransom?”

_ “Never fear,”  _ came Ransom’s voice. She told herself that was a disappointment.  _ “We will be fine — Jet’s skills as a driver are unparalleled, but it will likely take us  _ time. _ You two should find a place to shelter until we can get you.”  _

“Great,” Juno grumbled. “Only have to find a good hiding spot on a planet neither of us have ever been to, in a city we barely know.”

“Can it, Steel,” she snapped. “Could be worse. At least the cops aren’t on  _ us.”  _

_ “This is the other news,”  _ Jet said.  _ “Again, I will ask again that you allow me to finish speaking. While the majority of the response is pursuing the Ruby 7, multiple cars abruptly changed course — moving in the same direction you are traveling in now.”  _

Vespa groaned while Juno cried, “You couldn’t have  _ started  _ with that —” 

_ “One final note.”  _

_ “What.”  _

_ “Which of you is driving my hovercycle?”  _

“Steel’s up front.”

_ “In that case: Juno, I will remind you that should you damage it in any way, I will not be held responsible for what happens to you.”  _

“Great! Fantastic! Yeah I’ll just worry about chipping the _paint_ while we run from the fucking _cops_ _—”_

_ “Thank you, that is very considerate. Please inform us when you have found a safe place to hide. Jet, out.”  _

In a side mirror, Vespa spotted the flashing lights come up over the hill. She cussed, hugging Juno tighter and barking, “Step on it, Steel.”

He must have seen the same thing as her, the engine roaring as they shot forward and into the maze of the city below. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the tpp server for letting me run with this. This is only part one, because while the next part is what I'm excited for, I _had_ to let Juno and Vespa fake a shattering relationship in front of high society. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think <3 I love hearing from you all, and appreciate your kind words


End file.
